Mothers these days are lacking that mother-child bond that is supposed to happen in the early years of a child’s life, due to the increase of much needed child care. Obtaining that mother-child bond may happen in the early years of a child’s life, but lately it has not been happening between the mother and child at all. Mothers go to work, full time or part time, they are still leaving the child/children in need of a nanny, giving that nanny the possibility at that special bond. Nannies are unknowingly, and accidentally developing a special connection between the children they care for, leaving the mother-child connection almost unreachable to the mother of the child/children.
Starting from the day a child is born, there is a need for a mental and physical connection from its mother. “The child becomes involved in these relations from the moment of his birth (and even earlier: during the prenatal period)” Burmenskaya, (2009). Every day starting from birth, a mother feeds her baby, holds her baby, puts her baby to sleep, and bathes her baby. Those first few months together really shape that child’s entire future. Mothers and infants have been designed to stay close since the beginning of time. The connection between a mother and a child is not just something a mother gets just from having a baby; it is something a mother earns and develop over time. A child without a bond, is like simply a lost child. A lost child that has the want and need of attention, but does not know where to turn to in order to get it. Then, there is separation anxiety to worry about. Separation anxiety is when the child is left without the comfort of its mother for extended periods of time, on multiple occasions. Whether it is because the mother works, or is just not as involved as she wants to be, this affects the child's long term mental and physical health in so many ways. It starts with the baby crying, wanting attention that it cannot get. It cries because it has no other way to ask for what it needs, some mothers are said to ignore their children if they cry, to show them a sort of independence. They do not want the baby to be “spoiled” as they say, but in reality, all they are really doing is making the baby wonder why nobody will hold them. The baby gets used to not getting the attention, giving the baby a massive amount of independence at a youthful age. That is not a good thing for babies to develop; they do not need independence; they need the complete opposite. The first five years of a child’s life are crucial to his or her brain development. These are the years that they develop their personality and most of their knowledge on what life is and how to live it. Without the love and affection that a mother gives her child, the child could grow up with a form of resentment and grief towards the mother, and anybody else that tries getting to close. This would be the result in not getting enough affection as a child. It a crucial that every baby develops this strong bond, to give that baby a better and happier life in the long run. A nanny is with a child at least 8 hours a day, every day. Live-in nannies are with that child from breakfast to the time they go to sleep, and sometimes they are even the ones putting the child to bed at night. With nannies now taking over the role of guardian while mothers work, they are gaining that special bond without intention. “Many families cannot survive unless the mother works. But people must be aware that the child's emotional development is likely to be affected if she abandons her baby at 2 to 12 weeks” Adahan (n.d). So, being that most mothers go to work after only 6 or less weeks after their child is born, nannies end up having to take the mother's responsibility. The nanny is teaching the child how to talk, walk, and how to live every day. The nanny is now the one who feeds the child three times a day and sets out times for snacks. Those are things that help develop a strong connection between mother and child, and if the mother is not the one doing them, that connection is going straight to the nanny. With a normal work week estimated at about 40 hours, the only thing a nanny is not doing with that child is putting it down for bed every night. That leaves the mother with about 3 total hours’ worth of bonding time per day, excluding weekends. Weekends should not be the only days of the week that mothers get to bond with their children for more than a few hours; even then, in-home nannies will be there every day, including on weekends. This makes it very difficult for the mother to find the time to spend with just her child/children. Most child care professionals do not even know they have started to develop some type of connection with the child/children they care for. The child will know way before the nanny or the mother, and the mother will know before the nanny. In result, making a nanny the least knowledgeable person in the situation, but also the exact cause of it. The nanny is only doing her job, she is doing what is right for the child at the time. With the special connection no longer reachable to the mother, there is no turning back time and getting it back. That connection would be long gone, and the long-term relationship with the mother and child would be extinct. Hiring a nanny may be needed in most cases, and sometimes all can end right in the situation. Sometimes a mother may work part-time, and have a partner that helps, leaving the only need for child care at a few days a week. Every situation is different, but when there is a nanny involved full time in a child’s life, there is always a possibility of the mother losing her mother-child connection, and the nanny gaining it. Obtaining a mother-child bond happens in the early years of a child’s life, but sometimes it does not happen between the mother and child at all. It is nobody’s fault that this connection is not easily attainable or is easily transferred. It simply depends on how much time a mother spends with her child, and whether the nanny takes into consideration of the child’s need to keep that connection between them and their mother. In result, nannies end up doing the personal things that in the end create a special, and strong connection that is supposed to be between a mother and child. The mother can only achieve this lifetime goal if she spends time with her children for a significant amount of time in the beginning stages of their lives. Nannies are unknowingly, and accidentally developing a special connection between the children they care for, leaving the mother-child connection almost unreachable to the mother of the child/children. References Adahan, M. The Abandoned Baby Syndrome Who Is Loving Our Children? Retrieved from http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/308404/jewish/Abandoned-Baby-Syndrome.htm Burmenskaya, G. (2009) Child’s attachment to mother as the basis of mental development typology. Psychology in Russia: State of the Art. Retrieved from http://psychologyinrussia.com/volumes/pdf/2009/18_2009_burmenskaya.pdf |